A year and a half ago I was diagnosed with moderate anxiety with a side order of panic attacks. I guess I should start by saying that for two months straight I would come home from work, sit on the couch and wonder why I felt like I couldn't breath. After numerous amounts of tests, including that one time I went to get an X-Ray and forgot to take my bra off (OH! that was super fun, that semicircle shaped tumor stumped them for DAYS), my doctor came to the conclusion that my inability to breath was all in my head. What else is new?
I thought about it for a while and I believe that the root of my anxiety is time. I have this issue with aging and the issue isn't with me personally aging, OH NO, but everyone ELSE's aging. For some reason when silence creeps up on me I think too much and frankly; I'm scared to death of death. It's this sinking fear of losing the people that I love. I realized this when I noted that my anxiety began around the time adolescence stepped aside and made me realize that I'm not immortal and no one around me is either.
Now for my point; a co-worker of my mine passed away on Sunday from liver cancer. My heart goes out to his friends and loved ones. I know how hard it was to lose my grandmother this past June and I can't imagine how hard it would be to lose someone so incredibly young and spirited. The world is forever changed by this loss and by every loss; from here to Haiti, across the universe, and back again. When you lose a loved on you lose a piece of yourself and it will never, ever be the same.
I completely understand now why people are fascinated by vampires.
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